i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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