I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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