I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
