I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
