Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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