looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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