he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
