guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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