Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
