fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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