Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
