that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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