She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
