Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
