I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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