this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
