why didn't you poke me back
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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