I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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