were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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