it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
