Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
MIDGETS
????
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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