READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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