Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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