I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
