well you can't waste a boner
false alarm. still invincible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
