He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
