sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
