hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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