the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
