How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
