There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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