Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
