I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize