I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
