The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize