Whod you bang
why do cheetos always look like penises
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party