she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.