my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize