but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
