I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Randomize
