he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
