i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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