Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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