Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
