I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
