wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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