fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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