I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
