Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
