One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
