I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
