I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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