You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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