How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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