i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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