and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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