That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
