He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
