this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
