we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
