I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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