i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
