She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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