they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
