I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
