we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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